


Shadows Will Scream That I’m Alone

by ChiveCreamCheese



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, Minor Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Other, Past Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Protective Allison Hargreeves, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, blood mention, klaus hargreeves - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiveCreamCheese/pseuds/ChiveCreamCheese
Summary: What if Klaus hadn’t stepped foot into that liquor store? What if he finally decided to try a different approach?
Comments: 10
Kudos: 234





	Shadows Will Scream That I’m Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of THAT scene with Dave at the diner and is how I wish things had gone afterwords. TW! Mention of self-harm tendencies and suicidal tendencies, please read at your own risk!

What if Klaus had never stepped foot in that liquor store? What if he finally decided to try a different approach? 

“You don’t have to do this Klaus.” Ben gave an exasperated sigh, watching his (semi)newly sober brother approach the neon lit liquor store. “You know it’s not going to help.” 

“I don’t HAVE to do anything Ben.” Klaus sneered, but he didn’t take his eyes off of the fluorescent flashing sign of promised relief. It didn’t matter if the relief was temporary, all that mattered was forgetting what Dave- with a shudder he screwed his eyes shut, hand impulsively coming up to his mouth to feel the cracked and dried blood of his split lip. Forget, forget, forget just need to forget, he gave his head a shake as he repeated the mantra in his head. Absentmindedly he pressed down on the wound, in the process reopening it and causing fresh blood to seep through. He didn’t mind the pain, in fact he relished it, savored the burn and sting and the distraction physical pain gave him. 

“Klaus. Klaus!” He blinked sluggishly before turning his head to look at Ben’s intense gaze. His brother had his arm stretched out towards Klaus, reaching for the hand that was currently pressed against his lip. Ben looked unsure of himself, stuck between wanting to comfort his brother or give him space. 

“Klaus? C’mon stop.” His dark eyes looked worried as he finally decided to grab Klaus’ wrist and pulled it away gently. Klaus hadn’t even realized that he had given his brother the power to touch him, the cold but gentle pressure on his wrist startling him out of his daze. Ben lowered his arm but kept a gentle grip on Klaus’ wrist, hoping that the touch was grounding.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”  
Hazy green eyes locked on to dark worried ones.  
“Klaus your lip.” Ben gestured to the others still bleeding cut. Oh? Oh! Gently poking it with his tongue he could taste the fresh blood. Well, it’s not like he was new to finding comfort in pain, he was one hell of a self destructive bastard, always have been.

“Oh this little thing?” He gave a forced laugh “don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours Benny boy.” Trying to give off an air of nonchalance he followed up with “you and I both know I’ve had much, much worse.”  
Ben gave another sigh. “Look you know you don’t have to..to-“  
“Have to WHAT Ben?” Klaus gave his brother a tight smile, the action further irritating his lip.  
With a groan Ben lifted his other hand and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.  
“You don’t have to HURT yourself in order to deal with this you know? You could..oh I don’t know, talk to someone like a normal person would do?” With an incredulous gasp Klaus slapped his hand to his chest, feigning offense.  
“Normal?! I could never!” He grinned as he reached over to give his brother a boop on the nose. “Plus, why would I talk to someone when I have you, brother dearest!”  
“No it’s not the same Klaus, you need to talk to someone else for once...someone who could help.”  
“I don’t NEED help Ben! I am perfectly capable of handling this on my own thank you very much.”

Ben rolled his eyes, his hand finally pulling away from the others wrist.  
“Says the guy who’s about to throw away THREE YEARS of sobriety for what? A night of ignorance and a hang over?”  
Klaus mused to himself “well actually I was thinking a couple nights would be nice-“  
“Klaus! This is serious! Stop trying to deflect from the bigger issue here!”  
Klaus has crossed his arms in an attempt at seeming annoyed but his effort mostly came off as protective. “Oh do tell Ben! Tell me all about the bigger issue here! Why don’t you tell me about all my other issues too while you’re at it!”  
“You can’t keep running away from things! You can’t keep hiding behind alcohol or drugs or- that!” He gestured wildly at his brothers still bleeding lip. “You can’t keep trying to destroy yourself in order to deal with this!”  
“You!” Klaus snarled and pointed at his brother “don’t get to tell me how I get to deal with this. Why does it matter?! I didn’t try to tell you how to deal with being dead did I?” Klaus abruptly stopped himself “sorry that was-“  
“It’s fine Klaus, look you’re right...it’s not my place to dictate how you cope I just-“ he reached out and grabbed the others hands “I hate seeing you keep killing yourself, you’ve been sober three years! You can’t just throw that away like that! I don’t want to go back to watching you sprawled out in an alley, wondering if I’m gonna watch you die and there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

Klaus visibly deflated and looked away in shame.  
“I’m not trying to kill myself Ben...I’m just-“ he breathed deeply through his nose, trying to calm down. “I’m not strong enough for this, any of this. I want to be numb again.” His eyes were desperate when he looked at Ben again, begging for him to understand why he needed to do this. Ben went to place his hand on the others shoulder only for it to phase right through him, Klaus no longer had the energy to allow him to interact with physical world it seemed. Reluctantly he pulled his hand back and shoved it in the pockets of his leather jacket.

“Klaus please, can we just...go for a walk or something? Just so you can think things through before you decide to do this?”  
Klaus seemed to weigh his options, his eyes flitting back and forth between the store and the sad eyes of his brother. With a huff he threw his arms up in defeat. “Fiiiine! Only if you stop looking at me like I’m gonna fall apart or something.” Ben nodded in agreement and a small hopeful smile formed. 

The two took off in a random direction, not too worried about where they were going. Ben thought anywhere was better than the liquor store, it’s neon lights fading behind them. They walked in comfortable silence for a while, long enough for the street lights to start flickering on. Klaus didn’t bother paying attention to his surroundings, he was more focused on just moving forward. Maybe they can get this over with soon and he’ll find his way back at that liquor store so that he can finally drown out his feelings. This walk was stupid anyways he decided, he didn’t feel any better as Ben chatted aimlessly beside him. He was lost in his thoughts when Ben abruptly said “hey, isn’t that Allison’s house?” 

Klaus stopped and turned towards the house, he must not have realized how far they’ve actually walked.  
“Yeah, yeah it is.”  
“The lights are on, maybe you should talk to her?”  
Klaus glanced at his brother before turning his gaze back to the house. His thoughts drifted back to just this morning, waking up on her couch while she talked on the phone. She had been so scared for her husband after yesterday’s riot and Klaus had talked about menudo and how frogs are bitches, he really was not a morning person. She was obviously frustrated when she ran out of the house to look for Ray. Looking back Klaus wished he had been more focused and helped her instead of going out to find Dave-

The thought of Dave makes him flinch as if he can still see that fist coming at him. Klaus spent most of his adult life on the streets and he could take pain better than most, but this one punch hurt more than ANYTHING that anyone could throw at him. Dave who promised that he would never hurt him, who held him when he woke from his nightmares, who touched him like he was the most precious thing in the world. His Dave, he thought sadly, the only person to ever make him feel like he was actually worth being loved. But this wasn’t “his Dave” now was it? He gave a bitter laugh at the thought and tried not to think about the wetness gathering in his eyes.

“Klaus!” Ben was waving his hand in front of his face in an attempt to get his attention “c’mon stop drifting away from me like that!”  
“Oh hi Ben, you were saying?”  
He gave Ben a watery smile as he tried to focus on the present, it was easy for him to slip away into his mind like that. As a child he’d always been a day dreamer, flying off to a happier place to distract him from the gaggle of rotting corpses constantly surrounding him, screaming his name over and over and over and-

There he goes again, Ben looked mildly annoyed but he mostly looked sad. “Go talk to her, I’m worried about you.” Klaus gave a nonchalant shrug and said “Nah, I’m quite enjoying this little walk we’re having, bro bonding and all that.”  
He was just about to turn on his heel when he saw the front door open and his sisters head peek out. “Klaus?” She asked as she observed her disheveled sibling. 

Christ, if he has to deal with another sibling looking at him like he was a scared child he was seriously going to jump off of a building or something. 

“Jesus Klaus, that’s dark even for you.” Whoops, he must of said that aloud, seeing Ben’s shocked look. He gave his brother an apologetic look when he heard the front door to Allison’s house swing shut, she made her way down the stairs to approach her brother. Well brothers I guess you could say but she didn’t know that. 

“Hey it’s good to see you.” She gave a small reassuring smile “what are you doing here?” “Hey Alli, I was just passing through and I thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing y’know? Did you find Ray yet?” She sighed sadly, arms instinctively crossing around her. “No I- I’m really worried about him.” 

Her eyes adjusted to the dim light when she looked back at her brothers face, noticing the nervous glint in his eyes and the blood smeared at the corner of his mouth. “Woah hey is that blood? What happened?” She reached out tentatively towards him but he jerked away from her touch and laughed. “You know how it is, try to tell a fella that he fills out his slacks nicely and all of a sudden he knocks your teeth out, am I right?” 

She gave him a raised eyebrow, obviously not believing a word of that and reached out to grab his wrist. Why does everyone keep grabbing him like he’s a caged animal trying to make an escape? “Come inside, lets get that cleaned up.”  
“Woah hey wait Allison- I’m fine! Don’t worry-“ his protests fell on deaf ears as she ushered him inside the house and pointed towards the couch. 

“Sit. I’m gonna grab some stuff okay? You want a drink?” Looking smug he replied “actually sis, I’m sober now, no fun juice for me.” He looked mighty proud of himself and Allison just laughed. “I meant like water.”  
“Oh uh...yeah sure.” She shook her head, a fond smile falling into place, God she had missed him. 

She hurried to the bathroom and Klaus groaned as he rubbed his hands over his face. He decided it’d be easier to just let her do her mother hen thing, chat a little, and then be on his merry way back to the liquor store. “Did you really just brag about being sober when I literally just had to drag you away from drinking yourself into oblivion?” “Do you ever stop talking?” Both brothers gave each other and annoyed look when Allison walked back into the living room. 

“Who are you talking to?” She didn’t seem too surprised, more curious as she set down a bundle of supplies and a glass of water. She was used to hearing her brother talk to someone that only he could see. “Oh you know, just another annoying little ghosty that I can’t seem to get rid of.” Ben rolled his eyes as he wandered to a chair and sat down to observe. 

Allison gave a hum of acknowledgment and grabbed a damp washcloth to dab at the blood that had now crusted over. Klaus let her do her thing, staring at her like he was afraid he was going to lose her again. They had just found each other yesterday, he wasn’t ready to let her go yet. She looked so concentrated as she worked on patching him up, one hand resting gently on his chin to keep him still. Suddenly he feels like a kid again, sitting at her vanity as she dabbed different colors around his eyes. 

His mind takes him back to when they were 11, Allison had just gotten her first set of makeup and Klaus was so jealous. He watched her sweep a light blue powder over her eyelids, the color wasn’t very opaque but it had specs of glitter that made her eyes shimmer in the light. He had initially come to her doorway to ask her a question but was transfixed with the pretty compact of colors that she was playing with. 

“Yes?” She turned towards him expectantly, the makeup made her eyes that much more intense. “Oh! Uh yeah, Luther wanted to show you something in the library” he lied easily, she huffed in annoyance and stood from the chair. “Jeez is he really that lazy that he can’t even get me himself?” She checked herself once more in the mirror, using her finger to try to blend the eyeshadow a bit more. It didn’t do much but Klaus thought she looked pretty anyways. 

“Oh well you know Number one, gotta find every chance he can get to boss someone around.” He shrugged and gave her an easy smile, stepping out of her way as she made her way through the door. She grumbled to herself about being busy and Klaus listened as her footsteps faded down the stairs. The boy waited a couple more seconds before he jumped to the vanity and inspected the compact of eyeshadows. 

The eyeshadows were even prettier up close, all light colors and shimmery. He swiped his finger through the same blue Allison was playing with, inspecting how the glitter sparkled in the light. He swiped the color against the inside of his wrist, admiring the contrast between the blue and his pale skin. He did the same with a few other colors before he sighed and put the palette down. 

What would his father think of him? What if his siblings saw him like this? He knew Ben wouldn’t care, he was quiet and gentle...not like his other brothers who were always trying to compete with each other. Luther would think it was wrong simply because their father would think it’s wrong. Five would probably think Klaus was weird, well weirder than he already was. Diego was sweet and caring in private, but always hardened up when it wasn’t just the two of them. Vanya was too anxious and nice to say anything about it so that didn’t count. Allison, she’d probably call him a freak for wanting to be like her. 

He just wanted to feel pretty, like the girls in the magazines that Allison collected. He knew based on what he’s heard that it was wrong for a boy to want to wear makeup or see a pretty skirt and imagine what it would be like to wear it...but he didn’t feel wrong for liking those things. He was lost in thought when he heard someone clear their throat in the doorway. He turned in shock to find Allison giving him a quizzical look, her eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Allison! I uh- I wasn’t- I was just” he stared at her wide eyed, mouth opening and closing like a fish. She looked between his face and the swatches of eyeshadow on his inner arm, finally she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She approached him with an unreadable look in her eyes and Klaus braced himself for the slew of yelled insults that he knew would come. Instead, Allison gently grabbed the eyeshadow palette from his hand and looked up at him with a curious smile. 

“Do you want to try some on?” She inspected the array of colors before pointing to a lavender color. “I think this one would look really pretty with your eye color.” Klaus stared at her like he couldn’t believe what she was saying. “You don’t...think it would be wrong?” He was careful to not outright agree in case this was some sort of joke, but the warmth in his sisters eyes made him feel safe. 

“It’s not wrong to like pretty things Klaus.” With a hand on his shoulder, she guided him to sit at the vanity and directed him to tilt his head up so that she could see better. She seemed giddy with excitement as she started putting the purple eyeshadow on him. “I’m so excited to have someone to play with makeup with!” She was smiling brightly as she tried to get the powder to smudge just right. “I mean I know I could ask Vanya but...you know how she is.” 

She shrugged her shoulders and stepped back to examine her work. The purple looked really pretty against his green eyes but it was missing something. She examined her small pile of makeup and finally decided to grab a light pink lip gloss. “Open your mouth like this.” She let her mouth open with a pop and encouraged her brother to do the same. “Perfect! Now stay still!” Her hand held his chin to steady him as she applied the lip gloss generously. Klaus thought it felt sticky but he didn’t mind it too much, finally she stepped away and gave a little clap of excitement. 

“Okay! You can look now.” He was almost afraid as he turned to finally look into the mirror, shock quickly turning into awe. The purple eyeshadow was messy, but it made his eyes look so green. The lipgloss didn’t add much color but it made his lips look pretty and shiny. He actually felt pretty. His face broke out into a huge smile and he laughed with joy as he looked back at his sister. 

“I love it Alli!” He jumped up to hug her and the two laughed together. She gave him a pat on the shoulder before taking a seat at the vanity. “Okay! My turn!” She was looking at Klaus expectantly and he suddenly became sheepish. “I don’t know what I’m doing with this.” He gestured towards the collection of makeup, feeling intimidated. “That’s okay, I don’t know what I’m doing either.” Allison shrugged and handed the eyeshadow palette to her brother. “Let’s learn together.” 

She had made him feel safe to be himself that day, they ended up spending a lot of time cooped up in Allison’s room, playing with makeup or having their own little fashion show. It wasn’t until Klaus was deep into his drug addiction that they grew apart. Next thing he knew, he was on the streets and she had flown away to pursue her dreams in Hollywood. 

She had ended up paying for most of his rehab stays without a complaint and he hadn’t even said thank you. The regret hits him full force now, his heart aching for that feeling of safety that she gave him as a kid. He felt hands holding his face and he hadn’t even realized that he had closed his eyes at one point, too lost in memory to remember where he was. 

“Klaus? Are you okay?” He peered into the comfort of her dark eyes and felt his chest ache with longing. “I missed you Alli.” He choked out, trying very hard to blink away the tears that were gathering. She immediately wrapped him in an embrace, his hands desperately gripped at her shoulders like he was afraid she would fade away from him. “I missed you too Klaus.” She whispered into his shoulder as she felt her own tears threatening to fall. She was reminded of the scared little boy that she grew up with, and not the man who poisoned himself into becoming a shell of what he used to be. 

They held each other, mourning the childhood and time that they lost. Allison eventually pulled away to look into her brothers teary eyes. “You don’t have to be alone anymore Klaus.” He gave a humorless laugh and glanced over to where Ben was still sitting, giving them a sad smile. “I’m never alone Allison, that kind of my thing remember?” She directed his face back to her, her eyes searching his. 

“No I mean...we have each other again, I’m not going to leave you okay?” He sniffled and nodded, he averted his eyes suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the emotion in her face. He wasn’t used to being vulnerable around others, not since he was a child and again when he was with Dave. A new wave of grief rolled through him at the thought of his love and he wasn’t able to stop the sob that tore from him. Allison was immediately holding him again as he was unable to stop from crying. 

He felt his barriers start to crumble in her embrace, the walls he had so carefully built over the years were tumbling down. His protection from all the ghosts, the ghosts of his childhood, of his father, the mausoleum, the resentment from his siblings, of innocence stolen, war, love and loss. Allison was humming a sweet melody in his ear, always so warm and comforting. After what felt like ages he pulled away to look at her, but neither of them let go. He stumbled for some sort of apology or excuse but he couldn’t get the words out. 

“Hey hey, it’s okay, calm down you’re safe.” He struggled to meet her eyes, feeling embarrassed by the outburst of emotion. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked quietly, afraid she was going to startle him into closing up again. Klaus glanced between her and Ben sitting in the chair. Ben nodded towards him and gave an expectant look, Klaus sighed heavily and made his decision. He looked back into Allison’s eyes and for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t afraid to face a lifetime of trauma. He wasn’t afraid to open up to both of them. 

“Yes.” 

He told them everything. He told them about a childhood surrounded by death, about a father who would lock him up with corpses. He told them about the drugs and how they made him feel free, how he didn’t care about the disappointed looks they all gave him because for once in his life he was in control of something. He told them about how he was too young and naive for the streets and how he had been taken advantage of. He talked about his time with Hazel and Cha-cha and how his time with Dave was cut short. He talked about how the war still follows him, how the ghosts still follow him too. He tells them that the cult was an accident and that he got too caught up in feeling wanted that he couldn’t stop it, until he realized it would never feel the same as Dave had made him feel. Lastly, he tells them about his encounter with Dave and his homophobic uncle at the diner. 

They talked late into the night, eventually becoming too exhausted and falling asleep on the couch together. Ben had at some point in the night perched himself on the coffee table so that he could watch over his brother and sister. He watched them fondly, Klaus had his legs over Allison’s lap and she had her upper body laid on his chest, their arms were still wrapped around each other. 

Ben knew a lot of what Klaus had gone through, because he was there for it. But Klaus would rather joke and push it down than actually talk about it. He felt relieved as he watched his siblings, they looked so peaceful. He knew they would be okay, they had each other. He let his mind wander to his other siblings, wishing they were here. He knew one day all of them would be together again, that thought makes him feel warm. 

They have each other. They don’t have to fight alone anymore. They will fight together, as a family.


End file.
